direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
