she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
