Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
