You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
