dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
