She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize