We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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