I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
