I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
whose parrot is this?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
