I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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