It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
