Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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