You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
