I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
