Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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