I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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