He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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