He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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