Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
