So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
