went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize