Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
