Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
