He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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