I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
