Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
