I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize