So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize