Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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