where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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