Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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