Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
