when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dignity is for republicans.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
