i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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