I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
false alarm, still single
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
