dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
