After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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