I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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