Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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