i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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