I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's just like the Real World with babies
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
