and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They took my balls.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
