I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
