We're facebook friends in real life
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
