She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
