i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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