Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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