Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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