he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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