she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
