i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
