____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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