That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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