So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
