Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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