im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
