I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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