best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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