I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
