No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
