Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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