Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
