i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
