am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Come see our sink grown plant.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
