smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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