i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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