So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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