i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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