whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
