So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
did you just send me my own nude
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
