and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
