I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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