I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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