areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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