you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
