brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize