a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
