is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
