Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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