he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
