theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize