This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
