When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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