just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Houston, we have a squirter
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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