trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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