im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
