So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize