You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
