So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
