Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
